It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
