Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
