Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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