if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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