Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
