2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
