ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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