Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it's like iHOP with fire
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
