You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My vagina just recognized that song.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
