I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
