and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
