He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
