what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
