He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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