Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
