Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
