No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
