Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
