Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
