If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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