naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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