why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
