if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
