Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
