Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
