im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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