i wish my penis had a tongue
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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