I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Jerry, you need to find god
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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