Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
