Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
