so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
