Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
