apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
