Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
