Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
