WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
