I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
