at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I forgot wine drunk hurts
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
