I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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