If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
