i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
worst night to have a conscience
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
