I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
