he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
