I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
