your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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