I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
