ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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