He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i now understand why vodka
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
