Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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