my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
