first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
