Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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